Santa did leave some goodies for the children in the Chicago apartment. Silly Santa. I hope he is not getting senile in his old age. We had Christmas again yesterday after we arrived. It took about 15 minutes. Both children were pleased with their goodies, although Princess O was disappointed that she did not get another Ugly Doll. I told her she could get one with her own money once we got home and that seemed to cheer her up.
Here is the note Santa left in Michigan after that whole train wreck:
Dear C-man and Princess O
Merry Christmas! And thank you for the cookies. They were yummy.
Now, I got a little confused. I remembered that you weren’t in Iowa, but I couldn’t remember when you were going to be in Chicago, and when you were going to be in Michigan. So I left some of your presents here, and more of them at your fancy apartment in Chicago. That way you can have two visits from Santa!
Have a fine Christmas and give your family big hugs form me! I hope you won’t mind having two Christmases!
Here is the note Santa left in Chicago:
What the heck? I thought you two were in Chicago this Christmas! Where are you? Are you out for a late (and I mean LATE) dinner with your parents?I guess that must be it. Oh, well, I’ll leave the stuff and you can find it when you get back—I have to keep to my schedule!
Or, wait a minute. You might be in Michigan, right? Sheesh, you two move around a lot—Australia, Rome, Chicago, Michigan….
Well, tell you what. I’ll leave the GOOD stuff here, and I’ll leave a little Plan B in Michigan for you. That way you’ll get something no matter where you are.
Always remember that I love you.
And finally, here is the note Santa wanted to leave in Chicago:
What the hell? I land my sleigh on the roof—downtown, in the freaking snow—come down the damned trash chute, and you’re not here! Three billion screaming kids in this world and some of them don’t even bother to leave a correct forwarding address—unbelievable!
So, Michigan? You’re in Michigan? Fine, but I’m not hauling this crap all the way across the lake. Not in this weather. You want candy? You’ll have to come back. To Chicago. I’ll leave you a few bucks, maybe some smokes, at that Michigan address, but it says in the Santa Contract that if you leave a forwarding address, I leave your shit there.
Sorry, but with the economy this ain’t a full service operation. I had to lay off 1500 elves this year and I don’t have time for this crap. Enjoy the stuff, and the next time Santa asks you where you’re going to be for Christmas? Don’t yank his freakin’ chain.
*All notes actually written by Tom