Random Stuff

So this spring has come and gone and I have been a bad bad mommy and not recorded much of it.

Today being mother’s day the children gave me gifts.  I took them to Target on Thursday so they could pick these gifts out.  C gave me a candy bouquet.  It was a green cup filled with Junior Mints, and it had chocolate Twizzlers sticking up in it like flowers.  Delicous.  He also gave me a giant Toblerone bar and a pink carnation.

O gave me a set of three notebooks in rainbow colors.  One has lined paper, one has blank paper and one has graph paper.  She also gave me a big packet of pens.  Awesome.

Tonight we went to Hickory Park for dinner, and there was some interesting dinner conversation.  A couple examples:

O:  If I ate myself would I disappear or would I become twice as big?

C:  When I’m an adult and I do something revolutionary with science, I am going to cross animal and human DNA to give people super-powers.

Once again I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have normal children.

I’m not sure what this means…

I was giving the C-man a hug this morning, and, as I do every morning I said “my best boy”  He responded with “my best mommy.”   Then he paused and said “of course you’re my only mommy, so technically that makes you my worst mommy too.”

Then he wanted oatmeal.


First day of school

My sweet baby princess is in high school.  Does she look older?

I am frankly, stunned.

She was pretty nervous.  Last night she wrapped herself up in her bedclothes and announced that she was a burrito.  And that burritos do not go to Big Scary High School.  I informed her that burritos do in fact go to Big Scary High School.  She disagreed.  I disagreed back.  In the end, I won (of course).

I drove her to school.  The cheerleaders were wearing their uniforms.  It was just like Glee!

She says she got lost twice, but she did manage to find the exits when school got out.  She said she had to carry her lunchbox with her all morning because she couldn’t find her locker.  She also said she still hasn’t found the bathrooms.  I suggested she get that one figured out pretty quickly.

C-man, meanwhile started seventh grade.  Ta da:

He looks thrilled, doesn’t he?  He was not at all excited to go back to school.  Declaring school torture and awful.  I feel bad for him.  I hated school too.  He seemed happier after school today.  He said he thinks this year will be better.

Watch this space



I feel old

A couple of things have happened this week.  Both of them made me feel ancient.  First, the C-man took the city bus to the comic book store on Saturday.  All by himself.  He wanted to go to the YuGiOh tournament, but he didn’t have a ride.  So he took himself there.  Wow.  I was really proud of him.  It was a very brave thing to do.

The second thing made me feel positively geriatric.  I friended Princess O on Facebook.  She has her own FB account now.  Happily I am her friend, so I can snoop on her and her friends.  Bwaa haa haa.  I wonder if I will learn anything interesting.  I hope not.


Here’s a head scratcher for you.  I overheard this fragment of a conversation between Princess O and the C-man tonight.

C:  “If you use a monkey to kill someone it was the monkey who killed them not you.”

O:  “What if I use a dead monkey?”


Don’t Freak Out

This will be my new mantra.  Why?  Because last night T and I went to high school orientation with my beautiful baby princess.  High School!  I feel like we just went to Kindergarten round-up.  I think that was last week.

But, apparently time stands still for no man or baby princess and there we were.  O went to the gym with the rest of the incoming freshmen for chat with current students and a tour of the building.  The adults were herded into the cafeteria for a panel discussion from the principal, students and parents.

I learned two things.  The first is, don’t freak out.  I am not sure I can do that, but I will try.  The second thing I learned is that there are a lot of activities and your child should join lots and lots and lots of them.  Not a problem.  I predict Princess O will want to join so many clubs and be in so many activities that she will have to clone herself just to get everything done.  We will have to keep an eye on that.

Most of the information last night was stuff I had heard before.  Most recently at the last big freak-out session, middle school orientation.  There are three booster clubs at the school so I expect there will be a lot of fundraising.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?

I did not particularly enjoy high school.  The only two good things to come out of it were my very best BFF ever (And you know who you are) and learning how to type.  I could have skipped the rest of it.  I hope O enjoys the next four years.  I expect she will.  She is a pretty great, self confident social kid.

And of course we both just have to remember: don’t freak out.

The trusty sidekick

Princess O had softball practice today.  And C-man had a gift card to the comic book store burning a hole in his wallet.  So after we dropped Princess O at practice we drove over to said comic book store to look around.

This is nirvana for The Boy but pretty boring for me since I am not actually that interested in comic books.  But today I had to smile because there was another mom there with her son.  And her son was about five years old.  And he was wearing a Robin costume, complete with mask and cape.  On a Wednesday afternoon.  In the comic book shop.  I love that this woman let her son dress up for his comic book shopping expedition.  It really made my day.

Now if only she had been dressed as Batman…

The worst mom ever

I am the worst mom ever.  The worst.  I suppose it is fitting that I should have this story to tell so close to Mother’s Day (which is Sunday by the way Tom).

So this morning the Princess wakes up and says she is soooo tired.  This doesn’t really surprise me.  This week she had softball practice on Monday, horseback riding lessons on Tuesday and softball practice again last night.  That’s a heavy schedule for an 11 year-old.  And she had the same schedule last week.  I just gave her a pep talk and sent her on her way, telling her she didn’t have to go to softball practice tonight if she was still so tired after school.

I get everyone to school and go to the gym for my yoga class.  I love my yoga class.  And for some reason today’s class was really good.  I left feeling very relaxed and Zen-like.

That didn’t last long.

I arrived home to find three messages on my answering machine.  All from the Middle School telling me to come get Her Royal Highness.  They had been calling since 9:30 in the morning.  It was now just after 11am.  Oh holy crap.

“Why didn’t they call my cell?” I thought to myself.  I checked my cell only to discover the stupid thing was not turned on.  D’oh!

So I call the nurse’s office and say I’ll be right there.  Get back in the car and drive like the wind to the middle school.  Of course the middle school is out in the middle of freaking nowhere and it took me about a week and a half to get there (actually 10 minutes).  And the whole way I was telling myself not to speed.  Why?  Because I did not have time to get stopped by a traffic cop that’s why.  It would only make me more late.  Gah!

I race into the office and collect my poor little girl.  Apologizing profusely to anybody and everybody who will listen. Turns out they called the house, my cell, the gym (who said I wasn’t checked in even though I was, odd), even Tom.  Oh I have never ever in my life felt so awful.

I am wracked with guilt.  And the worst part about it is Princess O is perfectly cool about it and not mad or anything.  I think I might need to buy her a pony.  Or a car.  Or both.

A little later Tom called in a panic wondering what was going on.  He had just listened to his voicemail message from the middle school.  I assured him the crisis was past, but his phone call made me feel bad all over again.

I suck.

How not to become mother of the year

I have learned something this month.  I have learned that NaNoWriMo and housework are mutually exclusive.  Well, that may not be entirely true.  Some days I think to myself, “I have to do this, this, this, this, this and this before I can work on my novel”  (Or “do the NaNo as Tom and I refer to it) Other days it’s more like, “I can’t possibly do the laundry, I need to Realize My Vision” or some other such nonsense.

And by the way, I hate doing laundry, so I am getting behind.  It has to be the most Sisyphean and thankless of all household chores.  Nobody ever notices when the clothes are clean, unless they are pointing out to you that you have put their long sleeved shirts in their short sleeve drawer.  Again.  But boy will you hear about it if the laundry is dirty.  Usually 30 minutes before they have to go to school and realize they have no clean underwear.

But I digress.  The point of all this is I am preoccupied and easily distracted, even more than normal, and so things fall through the cracks.

Here’s an example.

Today the C-man decided he wanted Jell-O in his lunch.  This was a “plan B” lunch option because we were out of apples.  And if I wasn’t so preoccupied with the NaNo I would have known we were out of apples.  Anyway, I knew we had some in the fridge so I said that was fine.  It had been in there a while but I figured it would be okay.  I packed his lunch, put some Jell-O in one of those super-tiny Glad-Ware containers threw in a plastic spoon and took him to school.

Then I came home and dumped the rest of the Jell-O out thinking I would make him a fresh batch.  And what did I discover while dumping out the Jell-O?  Mold.  Yes, mold.  I had just sent my baby to school with moldy Jell-O.  What to do?

Well, what could I do?  I grabbed my car keys, drove to the store, bought some of those little cups of pre-made Jell-O (at great expense for Jell-O) drove to school and pulled the old switcheroo.  So the story has a happy ending, but what a train wreck.  I am planning to put all this on my application for mother of the year.

BTS Night at the Middle School – insert scary music here

Last night was a big night.  It was our first chance to get a look at the Royal Teachers and see what goes on over at the new-fangled Middle School.  Yep, it was Back To School night.  The night when parents sit in little chairs and teacher tell them what to expect this year.

But this year the chairs were normal size!  Because sixth graders are big.  So yay.

We learned that they have to read three books each trimester and write a little book report on an index card.  We learned that they do experiments on Fridays in science, and that later this year the children will get to dissect a cow’s eye and a sheep’s brain.  Delicious.

We learned that there is some new math curriculum this year and the teacher seems to be figuring it out right along with the students.

We also learned that her teachers all seem pretty cool, and that the principal is actually kind of funny.

All in all, I think we will survive this year.  I didn’t even get weepy once.  And the building is very nice.  It should be, they spent enough money on it.