Anyway, for a long time I have harbored dreams of being on Survivor, just so I could be the first person voted off. Because of course if you get voted off early they don’t send you home, they send you to the lodge where the cast and crew stay, and you get a 36 day vacation.
Well, not anymore, now if you get voted off you have to go to Redemption Island, and stay there all by yourself, and then when the next person voted out shows up, you have to have a duel. Well screw that. If I can’t spend 36 days at the lodge drinking Mai Tai’s (or whatever they drink wherever they happen to be) I don’t want to play.
Jeff Probst will just have to carry on without me.